Wee Wisdom (51)
aphorisms and short reflections
years have gone by during this last month i learned a lot when i wasn’t paying attention server farmers, backbone of the world economy when i finish writing a book i enter a sort of mourning period, suffering from withdrawal. hangover. there’s a scene in Wind Rises where Caproni says artists have only ten years of real intense creativity. i had ten years of music and then it disappeared, so i know it’s true. i have seven years left to write books. can’t waste time. the more i search inside myself to find what my ‘unique’ core is, i find that it ties to things i learned, or that i saw, or people who told me something. and i have no reason to doubt that this process goes all the way back to pre incarnate life. we exist through other people, and with them we add things to our core. that’s why it’s important to do this in love. our core is no more a static monad than God. and what is unique about ourselves can keep growing, if in love, or shrinking, if it rejects love. i was thinking about all this as i pondered what the hell i would be if i hadn’t met my wife. i don’t even care about the mayor of my town. you know who i care about. the boss of my tiny village. he mans the community center slash pub, and writes poetry. a respected member of the community and a character. another neighbor the other day also started out of nowhere to recite poetry to me. very good diction and rhythm at 90. a literary village. i’m much more conservative and much more liberal than i appear maybe we don’t deserve a golden age until we make one out of whatever was given to us what could be more romantic than the end of the world what happens between two dissenting adults is nobody’s business ark nouveau a civilized society may be all over the spectrum of technical development. what makes it civilized is that it keeps random violence under control. and i mean both from street thugs and from the state itself. going back to work after writing a book is much worse than after a pleasant vacation. some are born to be legends, others to be lectures, and a few to be lessons my unpopular opinion about dating is that we should have a thirteen month calendar i think the epilogues are the best parts of my books. unfortunately they come at the end. maybe i should start with them instead. through a very long road, my metaphysics ended up being quite related to argumentation ethics. that is, both ethics and metaphysics are relational. i think making people feel things is more interesting than just making them think. it’s harder to follow a chain of thought for too long. a feeling stays with you longer, and keeps eliciting thoughts. for years sometimes. it’s sweet that other people like my books because they are mostly private jokes and lover letters to my wife. i really missed the refuge of beautiful music. i’m very grateful to have found it again after so many years of only glimpses. i will probably never become catholic but i will also always be catholic even though i’ve never actually been catholic i must become worthy of what i received. no idea how i never thought of it until now but the place i was born and grew up in, it’s not just any place. i have to save it in some way. writing about theology was much safer bittersweet spot make romance great again living in the moment, but which one obsessiveness means fast burnout and inability to remain on brand theology and metaphysics is the latest thing i have burned myself out on and will not think about ever again (well, this is a long time, but if previous examples are any indication, at least ten years). previous casualties include politics, economics and technology. it just bores me so much now. this is why i could never have any career. spending all my life thinking about the same things is a definition of hell for me. i’m including perennialism, esoterism, symbolism, etc in theology. i just don’t have any interest in it anymore. it’s incorporated. next. there’s a quirk to jazz that i love which is the tempo of the tune is faster on the reprise than at the start. after the wild improv you just have to give it faster and harder. it is particularly striking in post bop. feeling blue green is still my favorite color my wife is so cute when she laughs. how can i resist being a clown the first time i saw my wife, my girlfriend at the time said she was really beautiful and was afraid i would fall in love with her. she was right. there is always another cigarette. how miserable, and marvellous, to have a vice. the best case scenario is that people take you seriously after you die. i had an imaginary friend in elementary school but he was expelled for copying my imaginary homework. musicians play live. writers play dead. fallen in love with the abyss there is a light that never goes out. but it flickers. god forbid god willing god damn it it was God’s destiny to create randomness today seems like only yesterday the glass was half full so i emptied it the day is long the night is young twilight is forever



-community center slash pub
-Golden age is always a myth or never perceived as such in its moment, very rarely, maybe
-I'm a lesson
The ten year thing, I’m not sure about the accuracy but I suspect there is at least some truth to it. My music creative period lasted longer than a decade but I do feel like the peak/plateau are behind me while the writing is all in front of me.
But I have also felt for a while that writing is one that can go much farther where even a lifetime may not be enough.