Kaylie, Kylie, Karlie, Kara and Cayleigh went to the mall, hoping to buy shoes. but then, as another bimbo gang stepped into their territory, in obvious defiance, Kaylie and Cayleigh opened immediate fire, killing four. the others joined later, killing four more.
whatever the perfect equilibrium is, it’s always changing fast
seek wisdom from wells. they are deep and hold water.
i often agree with myself, but with trepidation
maybe spirits say stuff like, I consider myself a material person, when they’re trying to get it on with another spirit who is a bit of a materialist. Oh yeah, I totally believe in bodies and stuff. Do you believe when we’re born we go to earth, Totally babe, I love books about materiality, OMG me too I think we may be bodymates.
the two worst things about being self taught were the teacher and the student
the exception was made for men, not men for the exception
be alone with me
in the liminal space
over there
i love you romantically
but also baroquely
and avantegardely
i love you biblically
and like a pagan
with sorcery
one of my obvious talents and tendencies in fiction is melancholy, wistfulness, nostalgia. it doesn’t matter if the setting is fantastical or apocalyptic or daily life (apparently), it kind of always ends up bittersweet slice of lifeish for some reason. i believe in the human potential to never stop complaining about happiness.
the god i worship laughs and loses his shit from time to time.
i think right now what i want to learn i can only learn by a sort of ‘thinking beside the point’. like seeing something only through the corner of your eye, and when you look directly it’s gone. (elementals are like this). the stories are my looking through the corner of the eye.
the scene in Mel G’s movie where Jesus is making the first modern table, total insert. and then another insert with the quote, I make all things new, with him as a child, stumbling, and then with the cross, and Mary running to help him in both cases. there is more about Jesus in these scenes than in hundreds of books.
i think the most boring things i have ever written were the ones that got published in official magazines. not that there were many, but still.
watched an interview with Woody at 89 and the man is sharp and quick still. very good to see. he’s very close to priest rank in wuwei. he’s fed up with movie people and old so we’ll get more novels. the romantic spirit lives on.
those rare times you are fully in the moment, relaxed but focused and intense, like when you’re in love or in music, God feels like that most of the time. that’s why when the gods show up it’s so intense, they are really there full, not half distracted by a thousand trivial things.
mastering
the endless sabbath
in exile
he saw satan fall like lightning, i see satan rise like darkening
gnostalgia is when you know divinity in retrospect through your gut and heart. so basically real life, but gnostalgia sounds more important, slicker.
two years in, more people would still rather read me rambling about theology than telling a story. thankfully i am not swayed by public opinion.
i read a lot of Guenon and Schuon and so on about the language of birds, but i still don’t understand what women want.
sorry, i’m busy telling a simple story
great side effect of writing this new thing is i’m falling in love with jazz again. about time.
i accept the importance of ceremony, and belonging, and collective feeling, and that none of it is for me.
some characters you just need more time with them
my metaphysics is personal, so i still remember when we met. she was having none of it at first, but i won her over in the end.
my next book will destroy any reputation i might have had as a serious thinker struggling with deep questions. finally.
looking for the tricks that aren’t in the book is the oldest trick in the book
looking forward
in retrospect
right now
war torn
hay dough
warning
i was very lucky, to put it mildly, to find my soulmate early. but i also had the good judgement to know she was special and locked the thing down quickly. you gotta be decisive in leaps of faith.
when i’m really in the thick of writing something, my reading goes down to almost nothing.
i don’t mind waking at 4am if i have something to write
i chase the highs during the day, and take shelter in the depths at night
i write for the people who can still get their heart broken
yeah i’m into theology (what goes on between a man and a woman)
it was too early when i surrealized that the shoe had bitten me, and that it was after all on the other footstool
nobody wants what everybody wants
i had these characters and i didn’t know where they were supposed to go next. alright fine, you two just keep walking and talking. bla bla bla, right leg, left leg, bla bla bla. then boom. what do you know, a great place. genius really how much sense it makes. the characters know.
identity crisis actor, gnostalgia, last world problems, the hero with a thousand arses, the and of history, adam’s apple cider vinegar, blood trance fusion
so many christmas eves and no christmas adams. woke.
you know how kids wake up super early on christmas day because they are too excited and too eager to get the presents. that’s every day for me when i’m really absorbed writing a book. i need to finish it or i’ll die.
Round Midnight, film review: it takes about twenty minutes to get into the groove. but when you do... it really stays with you. actually this is kinda like learning to listen to jazz. so it makes total sense.
i called myself on the phone. didn’t take it. blocked the number.
in the last week and a half i’ve written about 25k words, give or take. possibly more. also revised them three or four times. i’m going insane and there’s still more to write. i just wanted you to know this because i do it all for you and because i love you
it’s all over and above, we’re so back to square one
at one point when i was a teenager, i fell in with a rough crowd. my mom scolded me every day. she said i was a bad influence on them.
with you
i can step into
the same river twice
flowers from the garden pressed by the flower of my life
Interestingly 25K words is the same as 25M words but you'd better stop there, because 25 N words can get you into trouble.